Turning Pain into Purpose

While reading, I stumble across a beautiful paragraph which was used by Andrew Solomon in his TED Talk titled, “How the worst moments in our lives make us who we are.” He said, “We don’t seek the painful experiences that hew our identities, but we seek our identities in the wake of painful experiences. We cannot bear a pointless torment, but we can endure great pain if we believe that it’s purposeful.”

In this current time, with all its uncertainty, with the seemingly pointlessness of it, it’s easy to feel tormented. It’s all too easy to get swept up in the image of a stark and forbidding future and feel hopeless and out of control. Will we have to wear masks forever? Will international travel become a thing of the past? Are we being too cautious? Are we not being cautious enough? Will this wasps’ nest of polarization be the end of us all? Will our economy collapse? Will we be permanently scarred from social isolation and distancing? How will we support our families if our businesses are shut down? Will things ever go back to normal?

Our greatest fears take shape like bedtime monsters let out of the closet and our imaginations run amok with them. In this situation, we simply don’t know how great and how long of a pain we will have to endure. So, our alarm escalates. All we can feel is the painful experience.    

However, on the other side of fear is a different, more courageous way of living. Possibly even a better one. Most definitely a better one. But how do we get there? How do I get there?

First, I can decide that I won’t stay mired in fear and that I’ll look for opportunity. One of the most beautiful things within the human experience is the power of choice. If the future presented to me is one that is fearful, ugly, dead, or like a city after the climatic fight scene in a superhero movie, I can say no to that. There is always more than one option. There is always more than one outcome to any situation. Choice is powerful. The moment of decision, like our painful experiences, shape us. We can choose wisely.

A second beautiful thing within the human experience is the ability to adapt. Tom Bilyeu of Impact Theory says, “Humans are adaptation machines.” If there was ever a time in which we as humans needed to adapt, it’s now in this moment of global shifting and uncertainty. We just have to be brave enough to step up and do it. What could this look like? Something as simple as imagining and acting on a future where we work together, or seeing our present as a place where we meet our challenges head on as a strong community and our future as a place where we all can thrive. Of course, for this to be effective we have to move from good thinking to actual action. We have to truly understand that we have the ability to reimagine how we run our world. Now is the time to put our creativity to use.

Our painful experience can be the greatest catalyst for change. It can be the first character trait in our new global identity.  

Over these last months, I’ve been learning that if I can’t be in control, I can still be in charge. Even if that’s only being in charge of my own emotions. Even if that’s only being in charge of my daily actions. And even if that’s only being in charge of the words I use and the way I treat others. If what I’m doing doesn’t take me in the direction of the future I want, I can alter my course or try a different method. I can use what I’ve learned. I can adapt.  

You can too.

If this time of uncertainty is going to be one of my worst moments then I want to ensure that the identity I create for myself on the other side of it all is one of growth rather than destruction. One of creativity rather than stagnation. One of possibility rather than limitation. One of action rather than immobility.

Even better, if I adapted my worst moment into a gift, if we all did, wouldn’t that be beautiful?

Yes, this time is hard. Yes, information is changing and contradictory. Yes, there is more than one issue we need to resolve. But, as Andrew Solomon said, “We can endure great pain if we believe that it’s purposeful.”

Life is a beautiful gift. This time can also be a beautiful gift. Let’s recreate our identities. Let’s make our pain purposeful.