From
California and Oregon
This
should perhaps be called the Adhering to Social Distancing Suggestions Diary
because strict quarantining isn’t quite what’s being done anymore. Right or
wrong, my world expands. I wear a mask when appropriate, I wash my hands
thoroughly, I choose my activities based upon how it might influence those I’m
living with.
With
the increase in social activity, I get less time to read to the girls. When I
tell them that I’ll be leaving in three weeks, they ask about finishing up the
three book series we’re reading.
“We’ll
have to read every day if we want to do that,” I say.
“Okay!”
they say. But we only make it halfway through the second book. Even so, we had
a good reading run. 17 (and a 1/2) books all told.
My
personal reading goes down too during this time. Partly because I embarked upon
reading a 751 page book (The Mirror & the Light by Hilary Mantel). Partly because
of the increased socializing. Partly because there were many conversations that
needed to be participated in.
The
Quarantine Diaries picks up again on May 25th. The noted daily
activities do not document the entire day’s list of activities, but often highlight
the main things that set the day apart from others. The rest is my thoughts as
they come, sometimes random, often unconnected, and mostly unedited.
5.25.20
Day Summary
Superbrain
yoga. Five Tibetan Rites. Meditation. French. Russian. Spanish. Posted blog.
Emailed Tim. Stevie’s parents over. Annabelle over. Fish fry. Afternoon
visiting. Newt Rogers Saves the Day 5 pages/1414 words.
5.25.20
22:43 Castro Valley
Tuning
an ear towards my intuition. Is it time to go? Is it the right time to
go? For my own health and the health of others. Waiting for a sign. An impulse.
A motivator. Or do I just know what to do? Time to talk. To ask questions.
5.26.20
Day Summary
Superbrain
yoga. Five Tibetan Rites. Meditation. French. Russian. Spanish. Read more of The
Mirror & the Light. Started reading Orphans of the Tide to the girls.
Talked to Phin. Talked to Gmama. Walked 1.08 miles. Texted with Stephane about
summer plans. NRSD 5 pages/1487 words.
5.27.20
Day Summary
Superbrain
yoga. Five Tibetan Rites. Meditation. French. Russian. Spanish. Talked to Amy,
Siafu, Michaela, JoAnn. Read a lot to girls outside and inside. Korean food for
dinner. A and S went to the plant store with Alma’s sisters. NRSD 5/1546.
5.28.20
Day Summary
Superbrain
yoga. Five Tibetan Rites. Meditation. French. Russian. Spanish. Read. Talked to
Noah, Kirk and Mary Rose, Mom, Michaela, Grandmama. Missed call from Amy.
Walked 2.20 miles. Finished watching A Wrinkle in Time with the girls.
5.28.20
5:47 P.M. and then 8:20 P.M. Castro Valley
Noah
calls to check in. He said my (May’s) blog had made me sound depressed. It’s a
kindness. He’s familiar with what depression feels like. But I’m not depressed.
Not this time. The highs and lows of emotion are different from depression. At
least in this instance.
Kirk
and Mary Rose also call.
I’ve
put one foot out the door and am having to wait on another’s plans. But that’s okay.
It’s just a matter of patience. Also a matter of communicating with everyone
here. It can be tricky having one foot in and one foot out.
Tired
out. Lots of talking today. Hot weather.
5.29.20
Day Summary
Superbrain
yoga. Five Tibetan Rites. Meditation. French. Russian. Spanish. Read pretty
much all day. Talked to Amy, Phin, Michaela, Grandmama. Read to girls.
Annabelle over. She brought zucchini lasagna. Lasagna and pizza dinner night.
Outrage over George Floyd’s murder.
5.29.20
9:19 A.M. Castro Valley
A
knot tangled in my third eye – a ball of thought bordering on worry. Have to
remind myself there’s nothing to worry about. Waiting is different from worry.
Trusting
all things to work the way that they should.
It would
be so perfect to ride up the coast with Stephane’s friend. Sending my request up
that it works for that in the proper time. Which means soon.
5.30.20
Day Summary
Superbrain
yoga. Five Tibetan Rites. Meditation. French. Russian. Spanish. 10:00 A.M. Live
with Sarah Blondin on Insight Timer. Cleaned house. Texted with Stephane.
Emailed Tim – he sent final version of Find Me Here. Saw SpaceX launch!
Finished reading Orphans of the Tide to the girls. Watched Fantastic Beasts and
Where to Find Them.
5.30.20
1:25 P.M. Castro Valley
Cool
to watch the live broadcast of the SpaceX launch to the ISS. Such a tour de
force.
On
the other hand is the outrage over George Floyd’s murder – over all the deaths
of black men and black women targeted because of the color of their skin.
We have
to break down the structure of systemic racism.
5.30.20
10:47 P.M. Castro Valley
So
much heartbreak
burning
Me,
so angry at white supremacists
and
anarchist instigators
exacerbators
Hate
cannot drive out hate – only love can
I
stand with you
But
I don’t know what to say
An
apology for everything
Wouldn’t
even cut it – cut anything at all
I
can only speak out against this system
This
unjust, unfair, unequal place that says only freedom for some
5.31.20
Day Summary
Superbrain
yoga. Five Tibetan Rites. Meditation. French. Russian. Spanish. Nice slow
morning. Texted with Marina. Talked to Josko. Worked on Patreon posts. Emailed
Lise. Walked 2.29 miles. Started reading The Five Children and It to the girls.
Talked to Gmama. Annabelle and G over.
6.1.20
Day Summary
Superbrain
yoga. Five Tibetan Rites. Meditation. French. Russian. Spanish. Posted Patreon
stats. Talked to Michaela three times. Talked to Mom, Phin, Amy. Some intense
conversations. A lot going on. Stevie went to ZMata to stand by during nearby
protests. Read to girls. Still life drawing session with girls.
6.1.20
11:41 A.M. Castro Valley
The
civil war has been in our hearts -- since the first one?
Since
the first time one person oppressed, suppressed, repressed, injured, murdered
another person.
How
do we join hands now? To link our pain toward the path of healing. To join together
and say we will not put up with racism anymore. We will not let black men and
black women be killed in front of us, nor behind us, nor anywhere. That the
safety and privilege white people experience are shared out to all.
May
we all be safe.
May
we all be free from suffering.
May
all beings be safe.
May
all beings be free from suffering.
I
think of the saying: The sins of the fathers are visited upon their children
and their children’s children. Why must the fathers sin? Are we always trying
to erase or justify or repair what was done?
6.1.20
9:17 P.M. Castro Valley
There’s
a storm of emotion.
A
howling at the moon against injustice.
A
tearing of the heart for centuries of grief and loss.
Collective.
Community specific. The hurt touches us all. The hurt is all ours to feel and
share and watch heal.
Give
us all the chance to watch the world heal.
The
girls and I do a drawing session together – a still life.
“We
like having you here,” Leanza says. “You’re fun.” Or maybe she says, “You’re
funny.” Either way I’ll take it.
“You
taught us how to draw,” she says.
“You
already knew how to draw,” I say.
“Well,
to do a life, a still life,” she corrects.
Seeing
the moon through a telescope lens. Each scar, each crater, each marking a story
of time and space.
Damned
if you do. Damned if you don’t.
Protect
us. May we all be safe from suffering.
6.2.20
Day Summary
Superbrain
yoga. Five Tibetan Rites. Meditation. French. Russian. Spanish. Tea on back
patio with fam. Stevie and Alma went to Costco. Read. Neighborhood walk 1.70
miles. ½ of walk with SJ. Read to girls. Watched ISS fly overhead. Talked to
Amy, Nancy, and Gmama.
6.2.20
9:33 A.M. Castro Valley
We
thrust ourselves into the wind
and
fall to earth into different ponds.
Blossoming
and withering we comprehend
as
one.
And
somewhere lions roam, quite unaware,
in
their magnificence, of any weaknesses.
-Rilke
4th Elegy
6.3.20
Day Summary
Superbrain
yoga. Five Tibetan Rites. Meditation. French. Russian. Spanish. Tired.
Emotionally fraught. Read. Cousin Benny over. Walked 3.03 miles. Hot day at 93 degrees.
Texted with Nazim. Talked to Michaela and Mom. Read to girls.
6.3.20
Castro Valley
Benny
(the six year old cousin) says, “Are you writing a new story? I have a good title.”
His eyes light up. I ask him what it is. “Leanza and SJ Have Fun With Benny,”
he says.
“That’s
a great title,” I say.
6.3.20
7:33 P.M. Castro Valley
A
more diverse coalition than ever before. Something to be hopeful about, President
Obama says. That this time is different from the 1960s’ riots and unrest and injustices.
It’s a step forward. One small step forward that will lead to a giant step for
humankind.
6.4.20
Day Summary
Superbrain
yoga. Five Tibetan Rites. Meditation. French. Russian. Spanish. Did laundry.
Cleaned sheets. Talked to Michaela. Felt sad. Read. Read to girls one and half
chapters. Walked 1.03 miles. Moon observing with new telescope. Talked to Gmama.
6.4.20
11:00 A.M. Castro Valley
Sarah
Blondin has a meditation on Insight Timer in which she tells the story of a
woman who seeks out a wise person. She tells of her woes and when she’s done,
the person says, “Yes, my dear, but what do you love?”
I
love the sound of the wind in the trees. I love watching an animal, a creature
in its habitat, its routines undisturbed. I love sharing a smile with a
stranger. I love the friendships that develop without a spoken word. I love the
taste of strawberries. I love the laughter that spreads from one to another. I
love the morning ritual of tea. I love walking on new paths. I love exploring
old ones. I love the wonder of children. I love beautiful stories. I love the
feeling of fullness after unloading groceries into the fridge and cabinets. I
love little messages that mean “I’ve been thinking about you”. I love the feel
of sunshine against my skin. I love the open expanse of the sky. I love the
vast expanse of space. I love kindness. I love the wind against my face when I
ski down a thrilling hill. I love snow and cold climates and warm coats. I love
reading. I love the gentle clasp of a child’s hand in mine. I love humankind’s
need to explore.
6.5.20
Day Summary
Superbrain
yoga. Five Tibetan Rites. Meditation. French. Russian. Spanish. Fam went to
Lake Chabot. Forest hike 4.80 miles. Decided not to go along with fam for a
cousin’s graduation party. Nice quiet time at the house. Read to girls.
Finished reading The Five Children and It.
6.6.20
Day Summary
Superbrain
yoga. Five Tibetan Rites. Meditation. French. Russian. Spanish. Called Mom with
birthday wish list. Day Excursion with fam to Elk Grove for BBQ with friends. Nice
day away. Walked with everyone to ice cream place 1.38 miles. Little to no phone/internet
interaction. A welcome peace.
6.7.20
Day Summary
Superbrain
yoga. Five Tibetan Rites. Meditation. French. Russian. Spanish. Zoom call with
Shea, Rene, Mom, Dad, Siafu, and Michaela (briefly). Cleaned. Uncle Scott,
Stevie’s parents, Annabelle over. Talked to Gmama.
6.7.20
9:17 A.M. Castro Valley
I
dream I forget my own birthday. Suddenly, it’s June 23 or June 24 and my
birthday is long behind me.
6.7.20
9:18 A.M. Castro Valley
Meditation
on Insight Timer
Sacha
Heath - Tune into the Wisdom of Your Heart
Past:
a tree with cuts at the base. But still standing strong. Myself as a curly-headed
child.
Present:
3 sneezes. To rid myself of all the negative emotions and the hurt and the
overthinking. The doubt.
Future:
the Psammead, wish fulfiller.
I
can dream up my future and I can make it happen.
6.8.20
Day Summary
Superbrain
yoga. Five Tibetan Rites. Meditation. French. Russian. Spanish. Nice A.M. Benny
over. Talked to Amy. Talked to Gmama. Responded to Noah’s texts. Read two
chapters to girls. S and A to grocery store. Watched The Crimes of Grindelwald.
Good conversations with Stevie. Walked in backyard 1.14 miles.
6.8.20
10:00 A.M. Castro Valley
Unplugged,
disconnected from the peaceful center. Caught up in a furor of collective
emotion. How to be part of the change without being swept under the waves?
Coming
up for a breath and realizing there’s been an outcrop of rock to stand on the
whole time. From there it’s steadier. Action to take. Person to be. Ways to go.
A
friend of mine says, “I’ve been waiting for this moment my whole life.”
For people
to understand. For it to be safe for him to go outside. To live. To travel. For
it to be a world where his character is seen, his kindness, his energy, his
passion, his life rather than the oppressive stamps of bias and stereotype that
are placed upon him by the hundreds of years of wrongness because of the color
of his skin.
6.9.20
Day Summary
Superbrain
yoga. Five Tibetan Rites. Meditation. French. Russian. Spanish.
Listened/watched Impact Theory interviewing Anthony Trucks. Talked to Dad and Mom.
Texted Jill. Got voicemail message from Jill. Left returned-call voicemail for
Jill. Talked to Nancy, Gmama, and Siafu. Neighborhood walk 2.62 miles. Read to
girls. Wrote story for Benny titled Leanza and SJ Have Fun With Benny. Emailed
with Tim.
6.10.20
Day Summary
Superbrain
yoga. Five Tibetan Rites. Meditation. French. Russian. Spanish. Benny over. Got
up earlier than usual. Responded to Noah’s texts. Talked to Michaela and Grandmama.
Drew picture for Siafu’s birthday. Milled about. Neighborhood walk 3.01 miles.
Talked to Stephane about details for ride up coast to Oregon. Jeff and David
over.
6.11.20
Day Summary
Superbrain
yoga. Five Tibetan Rites. Meditation. French. Russian. Spanish. White Women for
Black Lives Online Event. Voicemail exchanges with Jill. Went to San Francisco
for Stevie’s dad’s birthday. Colored a picture. Talked to Phin. Approximately a
1 mile walk with Alma and Mila (the puppy).
6.12.20
Day Summary
Superbrain
yoga. Five Tibetan Rites. Meditation. French. Russian. Spanish. Did laundry.
Answered emails. Read the short story I wrote for Benny and the girls to Benny
and the girls. Trip into San Francisco to Ocean Beach with fam and Stevie’s
parents. Beach walk with Clara and Alma 1.70 miles. Pizza dinner.
6.13.20
Day Summary
Superbrain
yoga. Five Tibetan Rites. Meditation. French. Russian. Spanish. Grandmama, Siafu,
and Bert’s birthdays. Talked to JoAnn. Talked to Siafu, Grandmama, Michaela.
Joey, Audrey, Benny, Gordon, Noah, and Annabelle over for outside grilling. Annabelle
brought birthday treats for me. Watched Free Solo with Alma and Stevie.
6.14.20
Day Summary
Superbrain
yoga. Five Tibetan Rites. Meditation. French. Russian. Spanish. Went to Little
Yosemite with the fam and Annabelle. Hiked 4.0 miles. Some fun scrambling over
rocks. Stevie’s parents, Joey, Audrey, and Benny over.
6.14.20
9:25 P.M. Castro Valley
Annabelle
in her remembrances of details and her kindnesses brings me back to mind of a
former iteration of myself. An iteration that wouldn’t be bad to return to.
Steven
Sr. says his friend Marv makes him want to be a better person – a kinder
person. “Not that I’m not kind, but a better person.” That’s a legacy worth
leaving, worth living for.
The
two thoughts are not unconnected.
6.14.20 9:40 P.M. Castro Valley
Night
time prayers:
Angel
de la guarda
Dulce
compañia
No
me desampares
Ni
de noche ni de dia
No
me dejes solo
Que me
perderia
6.15.20
Day Summary
Superbrain
yoga. Five Tibetan Rites. Meditation. French. Russian. Spanish. Daytrip to
Mariposa with the fam to look at properties.
6.15.20
8:15 P.M. Castro Valley
It’s
been a long time since I sat down to write. Too much going on. The days used
for other things.
I sit
down but even now it’s hard to put down more than a line or two. What should I
say?
A
moment to breathe. The first really in days among socializing events. A trip
for a birthday. A trip to the beach. People over. A hike at Little Yosemite. A
daytrip to Mariposa. This is the most activity I’ve had in 3 and a half months.
No wonder it’s like a flashflood. Fun. All of it. But lumped altogether at the
end of my time here.
My
bags are packed. The majority of “see you laters” said.
6.16.20
Day Summary
Superbrain
yoga. Five Tibetan Rites. Meditation. French. Russian. Spanish. Amy over for
outside visit and neighborhood walk .85 miles. Talked to Mom and Grandmama. Alma
took me to run an errand. Packed. Listened/watched Impact Theory. Said goodbye
to fam. Alma took me to San Francisco to meet up with Jake, my ride to Oregon. Drove
out of SF around 11:00 P.M. Stayed the night in Willows, CA. Saw Jupiter and
Saturn.
6.16.20
7:20 P.M. Castro Valley
The
girls say they don’t want me to leave.
Leanza
tells me, “You’re fun. You’re nice. You’re always happy.”
All things
I aspire to be.
6.17.20
Day Summary
Superbrain
yoga. Meditation. French. Russian. Spanish. Travel day with Jake. Drove from
Willows, CA to Springfield, OR. Talked to Grandmama and Michaela.
6.18.20
Day Summary
Superbrain
yoga. Five Tibetan Rites. Meditation. French. Russian. Spanish. Went with
Stephane to Market of Choice for groceries. Read. Talked to Gmama. Made salmon
for dinner.
6.19.20
Day Summary
Superbrain
yoga. Five Tibetan Rites. Meditation. French. Russian. Spanish. Set up work
space. Drew Father’s Day picture. Talked to Michaela and Grandmama. Made
stuffed mushrooms for dinner. Ate outside on front patio with Stephane. Evening
conversations.
6.19.20
10:37 P.M. Springfield
Birthday
eve.
From
the front porch watched bats hunting
Set
up my work station.
6.20.20
Day Summary
Superbrain
yoga. Five Tibetan Rites. Meditation. French. Russian. Spanish. My birthday.
Nice A.M. reading outside on front porch. Lots of texts, calls, and messages.
Talked to Mom, Dad, Siafu, Grandmama, Shea, Ben, Noah, Phin, Michaela, SJ,
Leanza, Alma, Stevie. Walk with Stephane 2.63 miles. Gluten free pizza for dinner.
Watched The Theory of Everything and several episodes of Dear White People.
6.20.20
11:12 P.M. Springfield
It’s
my birthday. 42 years old. 42 things I’m grateful for. 42 things I’ve done. I
couldn’t figure out what kind of list I wanted to make so I made none at all.
Today
was also the summer solstice at 2:43 P.M. I think I was out for a walk at that
time. Now the days get shorter and shorter.
A
cycle from long to short, short to long. Some cycles are okay.
Watched
The Theory of Everything about Stephen Hawking and his wife Jane. So hard to
watch the pain of losing the body’s faculties. Stepping into the imaginative
shoes of what that would mean – to have ideas and no voice to easily speak
them.
Ah,
now. These days. For so long. For others, how true has that been? And not because
of their own loss of faculties.
6.21.20
Day Summary
Superbrain
yoga. Five Tibetan Rites. Meditation. French. Russian. Spanish. Father’s Day.
Talked to Dad. Read outside on porch all afternoon. Talked to Ben. Jake over
for dinner and shows. Made vegetarian chili hotdogs and salad. Ate dinner on
back patio. Watched first episode of The Pale Horse. Watched three episodes of
Schitt’s Creek. Watched first episode of Burn Notice.
6.22.20
Day Summary
Superbrain
yoga. Five Tibetan Rites. Meditation. French. Russian. Spanish. Finished
reading The Mirror & the Light. Worked on blog. Neighborhood walk 1.25 miles.
Talked to Gmama. Talked to Rachel. NRSD 5/1627.
6.22.20
5:33 P.M. Springfield
There’s
a moment of reorganizing myself. Changing colors – like a chameleon, like an
octopus – to match my surroundings.
You
take yourself wherever you go.
Pack
out what you pack in. Or do I leave a little of myself behind? No. There’s
nothing to leave but memories.
6.23.20
Day Summary
Superbrain
yoga. Five Tibetan Rites. Meditation. French. Russian. Spanish. Listened to
Impact Theory podcast. Joined online FB Live Tony Robbins event. Swam 44 laps/1100
yards. Walked home from rec center 1.11 miles. Worked on query letter for The
Aviators. Made quesadillas for dinner. Ate on back porch.
6.23.20
9:40 A.M. Springfield
“Arigato
in. Arigato out.”
[Impact
Theory Podcast talking about money with Ken Honda]
Creation
Gratitude
Connection
“For
things to change, you’ve got to change.” – Tony Robbins
6.24.20
Day Summary
Superbrain
yoga. Five Tibetan Rites. Meditation. French. Russian. Spanish. Read. Worked on
Patreon posts and blog. Attended the online FB Live Tony Robbins event. Looked
up recipes. Swam 56 laps/1400 yards. Walked home from rec center 1.06 miles.
Got groceries from Market of Choice. Talked to Gmama. Made Quinoa Surpreeze for
dinner. Ate on back porch.
6.24.20
11:30 A.M. Springfield
Notes
from Tony Robbins Live Online Event Day 2
Change
comes from a feeling of being uncomfortable.
Patterns
and habits of behavior – you are not your pattern.
Decision
= to cut off from any other option.
Clarity
is power.
Belief
is a feeling of certainty about what something means. Be certain about
something empowering.
Dancing
between what you want and what’s comfortable.
Close
the gap between where you are and where you want to be.
6.25.20
Day Summary
Superbrain
yoga. Five Tibetan Rites. Meditation. French. Russian. Spanish. Kirk’s
birthday. Day 3 of Tony Robbins Live Online Event. Talked to Amy. Left message
for Ben about guitar. Heidi over for high tea on back porch. Read
6.25.20 2:46 P.M. Springfield
Ho’oponopono
I’m
sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.
6.26.20
Day Summary
Superbrain
yoga. Five Tibetan Rites. Meditation. French. Russian. Spanish. Made
cauliflower coconut curry. Day 4 of Tony Robbins Live Online Event. Drew picture.
Swam 48 laps/1200 yards. Walked to and from rec center 2.21 miles. Talked to
Siafu and Gmama. Started edit of The Good Uncles of Courtney Dune. 8 pages out
of 327. 80572 words total. Jake over for dinner and to watch shows.
6.26.20
12:15 P.M. Springfield
Notes
from Day 4 of Tony Robbins Live Online Event
Ask
intelligently
Ask
specifically
Ask
consistently
Have
grace (faith, luck)
Change
your approach until you find the way.
For
Business:
1.You’ve
got to know who your ideal customer is.
2.What
is your irresistible offer?
3.Overdeliver.
Find
a creative way to do something in your community.
Crisis
creates breakthrough.
There
is no limit!
6.26.20
4:32 P.M. Springfield
Every
day in every way I’m getting better and better.
Tous
les jours á tous points de vue je vais de mieux en mieux – Emile Coué
6.27.20
Day Summary
Superbrain
yoga. Five Tibetan Rites. Meditation. French. Russian. Spanish. Day 5 of Tony
Robbins Live Online Event. Worked on edit/draft 3 of The Good Uncles of
Courtney Dune. 263 out of 328 pages. 80517 words. Watched The Iron Lady with
Stephane.
6.27.20
2:12 P.M. Springfield
Why
are you so afraid of silence? Silence is the root of everything. If you spiral
into its voice, a hundred voices will thunder messages you long to hear. – Rumi
6.27.20
10:15 P.M. Springfield
A
prayer of St. Francis of Assisi
Lord,
make me an instrument of your peace.
Where
there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is
discord, union; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light; and where there is sadness, joy.
6.28.20
Day Summary
Superbrain
yoga. Five Tibetan Rites. Meditation. French. Russian. Spanish. Day 6 of Tony
Robbins Live Online Event. Worked on TGUCD edit all day. 328/328 pages. 80567
words. Stephane had house gutters cleaned. Watched Burn Notice with salad and
artichoke dinner.
6.29.20
10:44 A.M. Springfield
This
will likely be the last in the series of The Quarantine Diaries.
We’ll
see what this next month brings.
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