After my dad died, and likely because I’m now what some novels call a “middle-aged woman,” I gained quite a bit of weight. By the time I noticed—it almost seemed like one day to the next my clothes no longer fit and I was increasingly (pun intended) uncomfortable in my skin—it felt like an insurmountable task to shed it again. The old tricks I’d used before no longer worked. All the ads pummeling me online recommended one magic pill after another. The idea of staying in a caloric-deficit until I die made me hangry just thinking about it. The latest women’s health gurus’ mantra of lifting heavy felt daunting with the inflammation in my knees to hinder me.
I found comfort in the endless other ads and books about perimenopause whose headlines and paragraphs said, “This is not your fault.”
But, I couldn’t help it, I did blame myself. There were probably things I could have done differently. I could have eaten better. I could have kept up with more exercise than walking alone. I could have changed my thoughts somehow and magically changed myself. Look at all the other women your age and older who are healthier, thinner, better than you, I’d think, without meaning to. When I wasn’t body-shaming myself or comparing myself to others, I did my best to ignore my body as much as possible.
It was not a great time for me or my body. There was a lot going on internally and externally.
As a way to weather the overwhelm, I narrowed my focus down to writing, publishing, marketing, editing, and the other elements involved in the ever-on-going journey of trying to make it as a professional writer.
Until, eventually, working through the tangled mess of grief, passing years, life, health obstacles, overwork, and self, I found myself in a place where I could consider doing something.
What had daunted me up to that point was the belief that, as Tony Robbins says, “The path to success is to take massive, determined action.”
This is true. This works.
But it’s not the only true thing. It’s not the only thing that works.
Sometimes, it’s the What About Bob “baby steps” that are the key to long-lasting change or any change at all.
Part of the problem I’d been experiencing was the confusion between taking “massive action” and achieving “massive end results.”
The thing about weight loss is that it takes much longer than weight gain. It takes effort, time, energy, and daily meaningful steps. I couldn’t just choose to pay attention to my body again and—presto!—be different tomorrow. Though wouldn’t that be nice? The reality is, it could take six months or a year to create the kind of noticeable transformation I would like by building muscle and decreasing fat. It could take longer than that.
My biggest problem was that, for too long, I’d fixated on the end result of my ideal weight and, as too often we all do, had wanted instant results. When I saw I couldn’t achieve those instant results instantly, I didn’t even want to try.
It was not a very beneficial mindset.
But something was shifting, ever so slowly, within my thoughts.
James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, says, “…changes that seem small and unimportant at first will compound into remarkable results if you’re willing to stick with them for years.”
It’s not like I didn’t know this.
It’s not like I haven’t utilized showing up daily in other aspects of my life. For example, writing.
It wasn’t a one-time superset, writing sprint that wrote my books. No, it was showing up daily, weekly, monthly, yearly, consistently that caused me to finish book after book. To honor my monthly blog posting. To practice newly-learned techniques on short stories. To attend workshops and classes. It was knowing that even one word a day would allow me to, eventually, bring a story to its end.
I have known for a long time that mastery is something I can always work toward. But it’s been easiest to see in terms of writing. This story is better than that one. The writing in my last book is much better than the writing in my very first. Hey look, here’s another completed manuscript.
With writing, it was easy to mark the progress.
It was harder in other areas.
And yet, in spite of myself, I wasn’t completely and absolutely ignoring my body. I had been working for a long time to reduce inflammation, regulate hormones, and keep a healthy gut. I had been going on a daily morning walk, rain or shine, for over a year. Sure, I might have been eating more cheese than I should, but I also ate a lot of vegetables. I tried not to sit all day at my computer.
But it wasn’t enough.
So.
Partially inspired by a friend who has been working out for over a year now and is showing noticeable gains, I remembered that I have a say in how I am. Who I am. I have agency. I have the power to initiate change. All I have to do is start. Even if that start is something very small.
I decided to start.
To my delight, having made a decision, and in the midst of tacking some new (or perhaps renewed) habits into my day, I begin to encounter little synchronicities.
[My dad loved synchronicities. He probably first found them mentioned when reading Carl Jung, whose ideas of the shadow self also intrigued him. According to Jung, “Synchronicity is the coming together of inner and outer events in a way that cannot be explained by cause and effect and that is meaningful to the observer.”]
One: As I’m taking the smallest of small steps of thinking about getting back to weight training, a coach I’ve worked with in the past posts something about taking new clients. She says, “As we head into the New Year, the noise gets loud—‘New Year, New You,’ quick fixes, fast results, and the promise of an easy button. As a health and nutrition coach, I’m choosing a different conversation. Real health isn’t about being perfect or overhauling your life overnight. The real work—and the real magic—happens when you let go of perfection and start building habits that actually fit your life. Lasting change takes time because it’s meant to last. No pills. No cleanses. No extremes. Just realistic, sustainable habits and mindset shifts that support your body long term.”
The message loudly reinforces the echo of the whispering voice inside of me.
Two: I meet for the first time with my coach and the next Huberman Lab podcast I stumble across is the James Clear interview discussing his book which includes the Four Laws of Behavior Change. Among other things, he says to create a good habit a person must make it 1. Obvious 2. Attractive. 3. Easy. 4. Satisfying. The podcast interview (link provided below) is worth a listen. Clear’s book Atomic Habits: An Easy and Proven Way to Build Good Habits and Break Bad Ones holds a wagon’s load of wisdom along with clear instructions on how to make lasting changes. Very much worth a read.
Three: In a conversation with an author I seek out and who kindly agrees to share some business knowledge with me, she mentions “incremental upgrades.”
Her words are another reinforcement of the idea that small changes, little steps, incremental upgrades all make a compounding difference.
Clear says, “Time magnifies the margin between success and failure. It will multiply whatever you feed it. Good habits make time your ally. Bad habits make time your enemy.”
To become fitter, healthier, and stronger, I don’t have to lift 100 pounds the first day of weight training. Even the Olympic weightlifters say, “Everyone starts with the bar.” But I do have to show up to the weight room. I do have to start somewhere.
So I do.
https://www.hubermanlab.com/episode/best-ways-to-build-better-habits-and-break-bad-ones-james-clear
https://thisjungianlife.com/jungandsynchronicity/
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